Yukyuzan Anji
by Rei no Okami
Summary: This fic fills in the space after Sano and Kenshin left Anji and when he turned himself into the police and what he may have thought about on the way.


Disclaimer: This is based on the manga Rurouni Kenshin. Rurouni Kenshin belongs to Nobuhiro Watsuki not me. The storyline is my own, but all the characters belong to Watsuki. I make no money off of this and am quite poor so please don't sue.

Note: The "he" in the beginning and through out some parts never named is Sanosuke Sagara.

Yukyuzan Anji

What can I do? What should I do? What is right anymore? How am I supposed to know what is right?

A new world built on the lies of the government… A government who will do anything to control our lives. Ruin our lives.

He is just like them. He lied to me. How can he possibly hate the government yet still work with that imperialist dog to keep it in place? He is just like those bastards. Taking away innocent lives. I don't understand him. If he hates the government, he should have been working with us… not against us.

What drives that man? He fights me, takes pity on me by giving me medicine, and tells me what to do. What does he hope to gain from any of this?

What should I do?

I have to keep going. For the children. For the innocent. I have to keep going.

"You bastards" I shout then pass out.

-----------

He tells me to look at the memorial tablet. I look down to see the children. They seem well. But something is wrong. They appear to be smiling yet something doesn't feel right. They're covered in something that looks like… but it can't be. Blood. So much blood. Whose blood… not theirs? Mine. Looking down I see the blood on my hands, the blood on the tablet.

"They don't deserve it." he says. "Although they appear happy they must be crying for that kind young monk they once knew. You try to avenge their death, but they don't want that. They want you to be happy."

I turn to look at him but he disappears.

Tsubaki now comes toward me with the others close behind.

"Hey monk. What the bird-head says is true. All we want is for you to be happy. To live your life. In time we will be reborn… when the Buddha wills."

"But those cowards took your lives when you still had so much to experience. You deserve to have someone speak for you. For all the innocent. I have to make sure the innocent will not fall victim to those government cowards."

"All we can leave you with are our words. Listen to us monk. Be happy and live life helping others. Not as the Fudo Myo-o but as the kind monk we once knew. Do not dishonor us by continuing to take life. Honor our memory by helping those who cannot help themselves."

I look down at the tablet. Now I see the blood for what it is. The blood on the children, the blood on my hands brings back everything I've done. All the hate comes flooding back at me but dissolves away at Tsubaki's words.

All they ever really wanted was for me to be happy. I look back up to thank them but they have already gone from me.

-----------

I wake up to see Sojiro standing by me, smiling.

"I was wondering when you were going to wake up. The battle has gotten rather intense, so I think I'll be heading out now."

"I thought you were loyal to Shishio no matter what. Why aren't you up there helping him? Together you could beat them."

"I lost to Himura-san. I returned the wakizashi to Shishio-sama. What I'm saying is I would not be able to help Shishio-sama, nor would he want my help."

"Then where are you going? What are you going to do?"

Smiling at me he says "I don't know. I think I'll wander for a while. Himura-san wouldn't answer my question, so I have to go find my own answers."

At that he makes his way out, leaving me alone once again.

I decide to go check on the fight going on upstairs.

But by the time I get to the arena, there is nothing left to see. Everything is already done. Everyone is already gone… But what is this rumbling? Why does it feel like the building wants to fall down around me?

I start to run back toward the stairs when I see someone. He looks like he is hurt. I get closer and see its Hoji. I don't know what he was doing but I feel I should get him out. I pick him up and carry him outside.

Outside I see Sojiro. He is standing there looking at me. I go toward him and put down Hoji.

Sojiro stands there looking out at something I couldn't possibly see. Somehow or other he seems different to me. He doesn't quite seem like that cold boy I once knew. I guess his fight opened a place in him he hasn't seen in a long time. Feelings too. Just as I am about to ask about the fight and the subtle changes, Hoji starts to stir.

I tell him I saved him and will turn myself over to the police.

"Why did you save me? Why didn't you just let me die? Then I could serve Shishio-sama in Hell!" he yells at me.

I look at him abashed. Then he says "I too will turn myself over to the police. But I am going to tell the story of Shishio-sama to all. I will not become a complacent fool like you Anji." And at that left.

Not much of what he said really got through to me. What really confused me was when I said I would go to jail. I hadn't even thought about it till I said it. Would I really turn myself in? But why should I? I am supposed to avenge the children.

"You look like you could use some answers." Sojiro says, waking me from my stupor. "Too bad I don't have any to give to you. Why don't try and find some before you turn yourself in? Well… I better get out of here before anyone comes along to see what all the commotion is about."

Then he smiles at me and leaves. Leaves me all alone.

I think about what he said. I now feel the need to wander, to find answers, even if it is just for the rest of the day. I only have the rest of the day then I must turn myself in.

I start to make my way down the mountain. Not truly knowing where I want to go. I won't worry about that, not just yet. I have time. Not much but still some.

I make it down to a street. One way leads to Kyoto, the other to some distant city. I guess I have to make my own path. I can't go into Kyoto, yet I must not stray too far.

I take the path that will lead me toward Kyoto. I think I will have to find some of these people who live in peace. I have to see for myself why those men fought so hard. Why _he_ fought so hard. I have to see those innocents they believe still exist. I have to understand why I fought so hard. I have to see the ones I "helped" by ridding them of those who would take advantage of them.

But then I start thinking about what Tsubaki said. I _have_ to stop thinking so vengefully. Maybe I should fight more like him. But at the thought of him I can no longer let go of my anger. He makes my blood boil. How _dare_ he try to tell me what to do. He lies just as well as any one of those government bastards.

Without realizing it, I had started walking heavier, stomping as I went. I had also quickened my pace.

I stop. I don't know why he gets to me so much, but I have to let it go. I have to stop allowing him to anger me. I take a deep breath and look up. Ahead is a little shop. I wonder if they know of a good place to eat. I wonder what they are like. I wonder if they deserve to be here.

Well I guess I won't get any answers here. I start walking toward the shop wondering about the people I am about to meet. I decide to try not to pass judgment and let them live their lives. Unless they really deserve to die. I put my guard up and prepare myself for everything. Or so I think.

I approach and look around. There doesn't appear to be anyone around. I'm about to leave when I hear something. I think I hear a small child saying "Bwah?" But where? I shake my head thinking I'm imagining things. Again I'm about to leave when again I hear "Bwah?" I stop and look all around me. Then on a whim I look down and see a small boy sitting behind the counter.

The little boy looks so happy and carefree. So dare I say… innocent. But why is he out here alone? Where are his parents?

I turn to leave just as a young woman comes out. She smiles at me then bends down to pick up the small boy. She says that she has to take care of Iori and her husband will be out shortly.

I figure I can wait. After all I have no where else I need to go. And I still need to find a place to eat. So I stay and wait. About five minutes later a young man comes out and asks what he can so for me.

"I'm looking for a place to get some food cheap."

"Well I could write down a couple of places for you if you like." He replies.

"Please, um… who are you? And what is this place?"

"How rude of me. My name is Arai Seiku and this is my knife stand." He says, then leaves to go write down some places.

I approach the stand further and start thinking. Cho said something about a great sword smith named Arai Shakku. Could they be related, I start to wonder as I look over the knives on the counter. The blades are very well done.

He comes back out as I am looking at the blades. He hands me a piece of paper and tells me I should go to the first place on the list.

"Do you know of a man named Arai Shakku?" I ask before I realize it.

He looks a little surprised at the mention of the name and says "Yes. He was my father. Why do you ask? Did you know him?"

When he said Shakku was his father I couldn't help but stare at him for a minute. Did he decide to follow in his father's footsteps and create swords for others? If so he is no better than the rest of them. And if his skill at crafting knives is any indication of his skill, his swords would be very formidable. The best swordsmen would come clamoring for a sword crafted by him.

"Um… sir, did I say something wrong?" He asks waking me from a stupor.

"No. I was just surprised. The only reason I asked was because your name sounded familiar. A man I knew was a collector of swords and had a few of the swords crafted by Arai Shakku."

I wonder how many innocents will die because of the swords this young man standing before me will make. I also wonder how he would be able to live if he knew he was crafting killing devices.

Without even thinking about it, I ask him about the swords he crafts.

His response surprises me.

He says "I don't make swords. I only make knives."

"But why? With your skill and talent the swords you make could change the world."

He looks at me curiously saying "You sound like my father. He was always talking about how his swords would change the world. I don't agree with my father there. I believe people change the world. I don't craft swords because this is a time of peace. I just want to live with my family in peace."

"I'm sorry for keeping you from your family so long. Anyway, I must be going. Thank you for your recommendations and opinions. Goodbye."

"Goodbye um…. What is your name?"

While I did hear his question, I did not feel the need to tell him anything more. I can't help but wonder about him and his family. They seem so peaceful and happy. Were they the people he was trying so hard to protect? Did he fight against me for people like them, people who are at peace?

I can't help but wonder what might have happened to them if we had won. Maybe it _is_ better that we lost.

I look down at the list in my hand and chuckle a little. All of the places on the list are somewhere in town. I guess I'm not going to be able to get any food. And it_ is_ getting kind of late. I better head over to the police station.

As I walk I go over what they said to me. What he said to me. That Tsubaki said. Can I really just give up on ridding the world of all those unworthy? What will happen to all the innocents if I give up?

Then a thought hit me. What will happen to all those innocents if I don't give up? I stop and start to think. The family I just met was innocent. What would happen if I start fighting again? There can only be two answers. One, nothing will happen and they will go on living innocent lives. Or two, their world will shatter. Either they or someone close to them will get caught up in everything and loose their life.

If I hadn't met all these people would I still be worrying about whether my actions were right? Before I met all of them I was content… no I was able to hold onto my anger. Then after I met Shishio and the Juppongatana, they gave me more definition. I was able to refine and hone my anger. Then I met him. I trained him to use the "two-layers," but didn't care what he was going to do. What did I care if yet another would die? But he didn't die. He kept going. When we parted I didn't think anything about him. Then to find out that we are or were enemies, I figured it was my job to get rid of him. He stood in my way, then while beating me, lectured me. He told me what should have been obvious to me, yet somehow got lost in all the anger.

What should I do?

Well I guess I'll have some time to figure that out. I better head over to the police station now. I seem to have wondered the day away. It is getting close to night and I would rather not make a scene on the street.

As I walk to the police station I try to keep my mind from wandering into the past, speculating about the future. And without realizing it, I found myself outside of the police station.

I guess there is nothing else I can do. I go in and it seems a little chaotic.

_No one has noticed me yet. I could slip back out and disappear forever. The door is open and I could be out with just a few steps._

No! I can't run away. I _won't_ run away!

"Excuse me, I'm here to turn myself in."

"Who are you? And what did you do?" the officer behind the desk asks rather rudely. "Judging by the way you look, you don't appear to be criminal enough to be in here."

"My name is Anji. I was one of the Juppongatana. I am here to turn myself in."

"Are you serious? You can't be serious. Why don't you go tell that story to someone who will believe you!" he says laughing.

Before I can say anything to the officer, Hajime Saito comes up behind the officer leading Cho. "I believe him." Saito simply states. "Come with me."

I go with Saito leaving behind a rather shocked looking officer.

Saito leads me to an office and tells me to stay here. Then he leaves leading Cho somewhere. I wonder what they were discussing and where they are going.

The room is mostly empty. There are only three pieces of furniture, two chairs facing each other and a table between them. The room is rather large but that could just be an illusion because of the emptiness of the room. I make my way to one of the chairs and look around at the drab, dull, grey walls.

As soon as I sit down, the door opens and Saito comes in. He walks across the room and sits down across from me.

"We can use your fighting skills" he says. "I realize this is a futile request, but I have to offer it anyway." I look at him curious. "The government feels that your skills should not rot in jail, but that you should fight for us, with us."

I open my mouth to say I won't do it, but stop. This could be the perfect opportunity to continue my work. To get rid of all those who would rid the world of innocence.

Then the memories of today come back to me. I think about Tsubaki and how happy the children appeared. If I work for them, the children will be covered in blood before too long. Besides, I don't think I could stand to work for the government responsible for the deaths of the children.

"I can't. I will accept the full punishment of my actions, but nothing more." I say before I realize I had made up my mind.

"I expected as much," he says. "Come with me. I'll take you down to your cell."

He leads me down to a cell. This cell too was small and fairly empty. Hm… so this is where I'm going to spend a fair amount of the rest of my life.

I walk into the cell and Saito closes and locks the door behind me.

Well… I guess I better start retraining myself. When I get out of here I _have_ to be sure of what I want to do. I _have_ to be sure of what is right. I guess in my own way I'm going wandering like Sojiro. Somehow or other I _will_ find my answers while stuck in this cell.

I sit down and start to think. What can I do? What is right? These are the questions I must answer before I leave.

There are two things I feel compelled to explain in this fic. First is the meaning of Fudo Myo-o. Fudo Myo-o is "the destroyer of delusion and protector of Buddhism" and what Anji used to call himself at the beginning of Vol. 13. Second would be the wakizashi. It was the sword Shishio gave to Sojiro and the sword he killed his family with. Sojiro gave it back to Shishio after he lost to Kenshin.


End file.
